'The Chaos' Wins LARD XIII

'The Rage' Gets The Most Rendered and Wins The Jocky Award

The Wheatsheaf, Borough - 16 Feb 2013
Dress: Cockney Geezers
Men of Yore,

I bid you a fair morrow and congratulate The Chaos for a whirlwind victory in our very own World Championships of Darts – LARD XIII. 2 legs down in the final, he took the rum better than everyone to stage a thrilling comeback to win 3-2. Whilst the existing trophies undergo refurbishment he collects a new trophy, the Pat Butcher Pirate Shitting Trophy or PBPST - http://lard.snapsofme.com/13-02-LARD/IMAG1060.jpg

I can also commend everyone who attended for providing some of the finest darts we have seen. 16 full matches played within 3.5 hours can honestly be said to be “OK darts”, the standard we have long strived to achieve. A couple of mad house finishes but plenty of tons in there too.

This year’s Jocky was hard fought too as render levels were high but not dangerously so. The award however goes to a consistent winner – The Rage. Notable points:
1. Running out to Sainsbury’s half way through to buy a pack of lard
2. Inviting everyone back to his for a party afterwards – 4:30am finish I hear

Also, the updated rankings - http://www.lardydarts.com/rankings.aspx. With his win Andy jumps into the top 5 closely followed by Bungle whilst some notable Champs drop out of the top 10 (Frankendart, Quick draw, Galactico).

Will we see their return or will be see some old players perform a phoenix like rise and grace us with their presence (email me if you really don’t want to hear from us again, I won’t be offended).

It is time to hand the mantle to The Heatseeker to arrange the UK’s only inconsistently held outdoor darts tournament – The Bermuda Classic.

Al Fresco

Jocky Award Winner: 'The Rage'

Block of LARD



Player in italics progressed into the next round (only corresponds to group games)

Group Round 1 - Eels
'The Heatseeker'
'The Duke'
'Be My Valentine'

Group Round 1 - Mussels
'El 8 Ball'
'Nothing Special'

Group Round 1 - Cockels
'The Chaos'
'The Hero'
'The Rage'

Group Round 1 - Knees up Mother Brown
'The Heatseeker'
'The Rage'

First Round
'The Duke' bt 'Be My Valentine'
'Be My Valentine' bt 'The Heatseeker'
'The Heatseeker' bt 'The Duke'
'Nothing Special' bt 'El 8 Ball'
'Nothing Special' bt 'Bungle'
'El 8 Ball' bt 'Bungle'
'The Chaos' bt 'The Rage'
'The Hero' bt 'The Rage'
'The Chaos' bt 'The Hero'

Quarter Finals
'The Heatseeker' bt 'The Duke'
'The Hero' bt 'Nothing Special'
'The Chaos' bt 'El 8 Ball'
'Bungle' bt 'Be My Valentine'

Semi Finals
'The Hero' bt 'The Heatseeker'
'The Chaos' bt 'Bungle'

'The Chaos' bt 'The Hero'

Players and Points

'The Chaos' - 10pts
'The Hero' - 8pts
'The Heatseeker' - 6pts
'Bungle' - 6pts
'Nothing Special' - 4pts
'El 8 Ball' - 4pts
'The Duke' - 4pts
'Be My Valentine' - 4pts
'The Rage' - 2pts