The Chaos Wins LARD XIII

The Wheatsheaf, Borough - 16 Feb 2013
Dress: Cockney Geezers
Men of Yore,

I bid you a fair morrow and congratulate The Chaos for a whirlwind victory in our very own World Championships of Darts – LARD XIII. 2 legs down in the final, he took the rum better than everyone to stage a thrilling comeback to win 3-2. Whilst the existing trophies undergo refurbishment he collects a new trophy, the Pat Butcher Pirate Shitting Trophy or PBPST -

I can also commend everyone who attended for providing some of the finest darts we have seen. 16 full matches played within 3.5 hours can honestly be said to be “OK darts”, the standard we have long strived to achieve. A couple of mad house finishes but plenty of tons in there too.

This year’s Jocky was hard fought too as render levels were high but not dangerously so. The award however goes to a consistent winner – The Rage. Notable points:
1. Running out to Sainsbury’s half way through to buy a pack of lard
2. Inviting everyone back to his for a party afterwards – 4:30am finish I hear

Also, the updated rankings - With his win Andy jumps into the top 5 closely followed by Bungle whilst some notable Champs drop out of the top 10 (Frankendart, Quick draw, Galactico).

Will we see their return or will be see some old players perform a phoenix like rise and grace us with their presence (email me if you really don’t want to hear from us again, I won’t be offended).

It is time to hand the mantle to The Heatseeker to arrange the UK’s only inconsistently held outdoor darts tournament – The Bermuda Classic.

Al Fresco

The Rage Gets The Most Rendered and Wins The Jocky Award

Block of LARD


Player in italics progressed into the next round (only corresponds to group games)

Group Round 1 - Eels
The Heatseeker
The Duke
Be My Valentine

Group Round 1 - Mussels
El 8 Ball
Nothing Special

Group Round 1 - Cockels
The Chaos
The Hero
The Rage

Group Round 1 - Knees up Mother Brown
The Heatseeker
The Rage

First Round
The Duke bt Be My Valentine
Be My Valentine bt The Heatseeker
The Heatseeker bt The Duke
Nothing Special bt El 8 Ball
Nothing Special bt Bungle
El 8 Ball bt Bungle
The Chaos bt The Rage
The Hero bt The Rage
The Chaos bt The Hero

Quarter Finals
The Heatseeker bt The Duke
The Hero bt Nothing Special
The Chaos bt El 8 Ball
Bungle bt Be My Valentine

Semi Finals
The Hero bt The Heatseeker
The Chaos bt Bungle

The Chaos bt The Hero

Players and Points

The Chaos - 10 pts
The Hero - 8 pts
The Heatseeker - 6 pts
Bungle - 6 pts
Nothing Special - 4 pts
El 8 Ball - 4 pts
The Duke - 4 pts
Be My Valentine - 4 pts
The Rage - 2 pts